If Fridays were Facebook…

Post Sven woke up, hit ‘snooze’ and went back to sleep again 7.00am
Post Sven woke up, hit ‘snooze’ and went back to sleep again 7.10am
Post Sven woke up, hit ‘snooze’ and went back to sleep again 7.20am
Post Sven woke up because James brought him porridge and tea in bed 7.40am
Post Sven is on the toilet 8.00am
Post Sven is in the shower 8.10am
Post Sven is getting dressed 8.25am
Post Sven is walking to work. Sven passes the same people every day in the same order. None of them say hello, except the gay one who clearly fancies Sven. If Sven were single, he might let this man buy him a drink, but Sven isn’t. Sven would tell him that after he bought the drinks. 8.35am
Post Sven is at work. He is early for a change. 8.55am
Discussion Sven talked to Claire in the office about what they did last night.  Sven had a writing class and ate curry for tea.  Claire went to Asda 9.00am
Wall post Sven checked his e-mails 9.10am
Affiliation Sven checked his Facebook 9.25am
Edit profile Sven started actually working 10.05am
Edit profile Sven checked his voicemail messages. There was only one from a crazy woman who rings up every day at about 2am. Today she sang a little song in greek. Sven deleted the message without listening to it all 10.14am
Post Sven boiled the kettle 10.34am
Post Sven poured himself a large cup of hot water. He knows it’s boring but it’s healthy and if he drinks tea all morning he finds it hard to stay awake in the afternoons. He also eats an apple while he works 10.36am
Mobile Sven’s mother rang his mobile. He didn’t give her his work number because she’d ring it all the time. 10.54am
Discussion Sven talked to his mother on the phone. She said his gran had the all clear on her mammogram after she found a lump, which is good news. She said his sister was meant to call him but she didn’t. She asked for his office number and there was no way he could get out of giving it to her. She said she had to cancel dinner with friends tomorrow as she has a chronic cold, but she would cook him tea on Tuesday while James is away with work. She said goodbye 10.55am
Post Sven is on the toilet 11.30am
Post Sven is back at his desk and thinking about buying a Mars bar 11.41am
Post Sven is back at his desk and thinking about buying a Mars bar 11.42am
Affiliation Sven checked his Facebook again. He took an unofficial 15 minute break and ate a Mars bar 12.05pm
Edit profile Sven edited his facebook profile and talked to some facebook friends 12.10pm
Discussion Sven advised Claire in the office to steer well clear of facebook, as he has spent the last 35 minutes looking at it and it is becoming an obsession 12.41pm
Post Sven is at lunch 12.45pm
Note Sven bought a chicken wrap, a packet of 8 cocktail sausages and two bags of satsumas (buy one get one free; they looked a bit over-ripe but when it’s free it doesn’t matter) 1.00pm
Group Sven overheard two students in the queue talking about how difficult a banana can be to conceal about your person when attending lectures. Sadly the students moved out of earshot shortly afterward so he never learned the full context of what sounded like an interesting conversation. 1.00pm
Note Sven wondered if referring to himself in the third person for a prolonged period of time would eventually lead to a dissociative disorder and ultimately a psychotic breakdown of some sort 1.08pm
Note Sven reflected upon his decision to wear a bright yellow jumper to work. The overcast sky might have been depressing so a bright jumper would cheer everyone in the office up. Sven wondered if wearing a bold colour might have been a bad idea in an office that relies heavily on visual communication; and that perhaps his jumper effectively renders him mute.  He doesn’t care because it is Friday 1.33pm
Post Sven is back at his desk (after much dilly-dallying and a conversation about Sainsbury’s giving away free reusable carrier bags) 2.15pm
Note Sven offered his satsumas around the office 2.20pm
gift Claire gave Sven a blueberry muffin 2.35pm
Friend Sven discovered that half the people at work are addicted to facebook too. He wonders how any work gets done in the place at all 2.50pm
Edit profile Sven filed some stuff 2.58pm
Edit profile Sven helped some students work a data projector.  They told him is just wasn’t working.  He asked if they had turned it on at the mains.  They said they hadn’t checked.  He turned it on and it worked.  Sven despairs that these children are our future 3.33pm
Wall post Sven decided he was fed up of work and willed the weekend to come faster 3.39pm
Note Sven ate a satsuma 3.40pm
Edit profile Sven decided that, rather than do any proper work, he would swap his desk chair (with arms) for another one (without arms).  He can now pull himself in and type happily, without hitting his chair arms on the desk 4.06pm
Post Sven is so bored he could cry… 4.12pm
Post Sven is desperate to leave early… 4.14pm
Post Sven is counting the minutes… 4.15pm
Edit profile Sven answered the phone. There was no one on the other end. It was the most exciting thing to happen all afternoon 4.22pm
Edit profile Sven stabbed himself with a staple remover right under his fingernail. He decided then that he had had enough 4.35pm
Post Sven is walking home 4.40pm

8 responses to “If Fridays were Facebook…

  1. i’ve not looked at facebook. is it addictive?

  2. It’s like myspace but 1000 times better. Facebook is the future, but it’s all you will ever do with your time. Farewell productivity…

  3. Lisa Marshall

    If only they let us use it at work!! Hilarious, many thanks for chering me up!!

  4. If they let you use it at work, amputation rates would soar. Perhaps that’s what crashed MTAS?

  5. I loved this entry, it sounds much like my day, especially now they’re making me do “editorial proofreading.” I have to sit and read entire textbooks, this week’s was on the history of education, dating back to, I kid you not, the year 1490. My brain went “The Queen of England commissioned Christopher Columbus I think I’ll have a rice cake.”

  6. i succumbed. i am now on facebook

  7. Gng: Proofreading textbooks does not sound fun. By comparison, rice cakes cound like a riot!

    Serendipity: real name or pseudonym?

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