We all have them: things you enjoy that you probably wouldn’t own up to in company. Here are some of mine:
1. High School Musical
Disney have a lot to answer for. How dare they make such a cheesy, cheery musical that appeals to children, grown women and gay men alike? Curse the Disney Channel for having a High School Musical marathon this weekend, with HSM1 & 2 back to back, sing-along lyrics and a dance-along instructional version too. How is a boy supposed to get any work done? James rolled his eyes until the big finale kicked in and we both reminisced about Same Difference performing it last year on the X Factor. Ah, good times. Anyway, back to the film: rent it, buy it, watch it, love it. I defy anyone not to be thoroughly bursting with joy by the end. And if you need help with the routine, you know who to call.
2. Xtube
Anyone who owns a computer looks at porn. It’s axiomatic: get internet access, start looking at naked people and clearing out your cache, temp files and history every time you log off. Judging from the look of horror on your face I’m assuming that you haven’t been emptying out your PC properly because there’s no way you just don’t look at porn. Now, being a cheapskate, there ain’t no way I’m paying for it: enter xtube.com. There are probably questions to be answered about the type of person who would willingly post home-made films of themselves going at it on a web site for the whole world to see – I certainly wouldn’t – but I’m willing to overlook them if you are. Well, this is about guilty pleasures, after all.
3. Gas
In any kind of company this is something to be frowned upon, and even if I know you have read this blog and you ask me about it I will maintain that trapped wind is nothing to be proud of and certainly not to be enjoyed. Of course, when you are on your own it’s a different matter. Burping in company is not so bad, and even to be applauded depending on the company you keep, but the other end is a different matter. Farts are like children: you love your own and hate everyone else’s, and if you are screwing your nose up while you read this, be honest with yourself. When was the last time you were alone, felt one coming and secretly congratulated yourself for delivering it with style? (With extra points if even the dog leaves the room.) There’s a smile specifically for this kind of thing, and we all know exactly how to make it.
4. Barbra Streisand
Like the woman says: “we’ve got nothing to be guilty of”, and yet I can’t bring myself to confess that I do quite like her. There are a couple of reasons; firstly, if I confess that I am a closet fan then I can’t make fun of James any more for his die-hard support for the woman. Second: how gay? Admit I like the woman and I might as well tattoo a big rainbow on my forehead and hit the streets in denim hotpants while shopping for nail varnish. I’m not one for keeping it in the closet, but I’m not one for raving about it every day either. Finally: habit. I’m so used to not liking her that it grates to ‘fess up. Here goes then: I like Barbra. And worse, I love Barbra and Donna Summer’s ‘No more tears’, too.
5. Crimewatch
Does anyone actually watch this thinking they will help in the solving of a crime? I certainly don’t. Crime-fighting credentials notwithstanding, five million people are not civic minded enough to tune in with the sole aim of making the country a better place. There is an element of entertainment about the show – a degree of schadenfreude – that makes me feel a bit uneasy about watching it; so much so that I rarely turn it on any more. It’s like looking in the back of ambulance: you know you shouldn’t be doing it and you really don’t want to, but the chance that you might see something really gory is too much of a temptation and you can’t help yourself. They know it too, and trade off it: I haven’t seen any policemen looking like Rav in my area lately. That said, if appealing to my perverse nature means that they help solve a murder or two, then who I am I to argue? From now on, I will hold my head up high!
So, now you know mine, tell me yours. It’s only fair.
perez hilton
1. I wax about hating sappy chickflicks, but there’s no denying that my cabinet is full of nothing but: Something About Mary, Under the Tuscan Sun, Room with a View, Chicago (the musical), Chocolat… Fine. Chickflicks.
2. Candles. I buy tealights 200 at a time (if I’m restraining myself) and go through them in no time; if I’m home in an evening I light 20-30 at a time, and keep them burning allllllll night.
3. Cheese. I can’t have it in my house. A brick of brie will disappear one sliver at a time…also in an evening. Mozzarella and a shaker of salt? Sayonara. Give me a plate full of candy though: it will rot before I touch it.
4. Dressing to the Nine’s on a sunny saturday afternoon: cute sundress, perfect makeup, perfect hair, and strolling through every downtown shop we have, acting as if I’d just crawled out of bed, and yes! I look like this every day. Naturally.
5. Skipping dressing altogether: sweatpants, a ponytail, a pair of sunglasses, and the conviction that if I don’t make eye contact with anyone, they can’t see me…at the market, the library, the coffee shop etc. Surely, no one will recognize me, mess that I am.
xtube, been there, you are correct.
reality TV
Oh lordy, you made me guffaw.
I can’t tell mine. I’m not that strong. Kudos to you, though.
I can’t tell you all of mine as unlike you I still have some stiff upper lip (lol, you’re evidently shedding yours as you prepare for life down under), but it might include The Sound of Music and Celine Dion.
In other news: wasn’t the final episode of Damages good???? Without doubt the best thing on TV this year.
Mumof4: shame on you (although I have yet to cancel my popbitch subscription). Guilty pleasure indeed.
Gng: I love it! Chickflicks, check. Tealights,hmmm, not so much. Cheese? I need a separate post about cheese. Dressing up/dressing down: do it all the time. Don’t you love looking good and knowing it?
Rocket: gotta love the xtube. I wrote my degree dissertation about reality tv. It was far more insightful than it sounds. (The dissertation, that is. Not reality tv. That’s as shallow as a puddle.)
Sherri: glad to be of service. No strength required; just no shame, either.
Sieg: my stiff upper lip was always just for show. I forgot all about The Sound of Music though. Time for a re-draft! Oh, and Damages? Fantastic. Pattie Hewes knows!
I enjoyed every moment of Britain’s Got Talent. I loved the dancing dog. I loved the man who did a send-up of Boyzone. I loved the contortionist. I even loved the woman who lay on the bed of nails. Fantastic. This is what television was invented for. Please don’t tell anyone that I told you.
Daphne: it will be our little secret. Thanks for the link to Punctuation Station by the way. I must post something new up there. I’m so lazy.